Showing posts with label English. Show all posts
Showing posts with label English. Show all posts
why r women considered stronger than men ?ans: b'coz they carry 2 mountains on their chest where as men carryjust 2 stones with the help of crane!--------------------------------------------------------------------------11.Bhapaji bargained a woman in his shop "chunni wichon te kujh nahi labda,kameez wichon do labh jaande ne, te salwaar wich te pallayon paana penda hai"--------------------------------------------------------------------------12.A man reads a book in a bed next to his wife & his finger went to tease his wife's pussy.Wife asks "you want sex?"."No,just to wet my finger to turn the page!"--------------------------------------------------------------------------13.lady to doctor "a vibrator stuck in my pussy "Doctor "laydown , I will take it out"Lady "NO!, pls. change its battery".--------------------------------------------------------------------------14.Rail ki patri par mat hagaa karo, train aayegi gaand kat jaayegi.abhi haath se gaand dhotay ho, baad mein gaand se haath dho baithogay!!!!!!!!!!--------------------------------------------------------------------------15.A girl selling SANDWICH on the beach in goa, asked asardar:"sardar ji ,sandwich loge? "sardar ji replied,"o, kamliye sand wich kyon? room wich kyon nahi?"-----------------------------------------------------------------------16.lady :" doctor, i feel very weak."Dr: " how many times do u have sex?"lady: " 5 times, mon- fri."Dr: " cut down wed."lady:" but thats the only day i m with my husband! "--------------------------------------------------------------------------17.A woman gave birth to six babies& on seeing this, she goes out off her hospital bed &slapped her husband & shouted, "I told you not to go doggy style ".--------------------------------------------------------------------------18.A 25 year boy married a 65 year woman. after two days boy died,because he drank expired milk.--------------------------------------------------------------------------19.A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing .He was happy with the hole &She was happy with the thing!---------------------------------------------------------------------20.A Sardar was urinating beside a car. A Foreigner said to him "AAPKE YAHAN POLICE NAHIN PAKADHTI ?"He replied,"NAHIN HAMAARE YAHAN KHUD PAKADHNA PADHTA HAI !"
1.man 2 wife : business is going down,if u learn to cook we can remove bavarchi.wife : asshole, if u learn to fuck, we can remove driver, gardner & watchman!!!!!!!!--------------------------------------------------------------------------2.Love is not measured by hugging,kissing & sex . luv is respect & trust,accepting a person with open legs..closed eyes..wet lips..saying"push it more"-2--------------------------------------------------------------------------3.The brains of madras, beauty of bengal, wealth of gujrat & strength of punjab.translation: madras di buddi, bangal di fuddi, gujrat da dhan te punjab da lun.--------------------------------------------------------------------------4.Bewafa tum ho to wafadaar hum bhi nahi,besharam tum ho to sharamdaar hum bhi nahi,pyaar ke is mode par aake kehte ho shadishuda hoto kunware hum bhi nahin!--------------------------------------------------------------------------5.Subah-2 jab khirki kholay, fruitwala zore se bole:8 rupay ke 12 kelay, kum paray to mera lelay.--------------------------------------------------------------------------6.Iss jahan main aae ho to ,kuch aaisa kar jaao kadardaan, jiss gali se guzro,aawaaz aae --"ABBAJAAN"-2.--------------------------------------------------------------------------7A good friend is like a good bra. hard to find, very comfortable, supportive,holds u up when r down & alwaysclose to the heart. good day, dear bra...--------------------------------------------------------------------------8.Have sex daily, jab bhi milay woh akeli, woh nahin to uski saheli,saheli nahin to apni hatheli but have sex daily!--------------------------------------------------------------------------9.Palat ke dekh zalim,tamanna hum bhi rakhte hain,husn tum rakhti hoto jawaani hum bhi rakhte hain..gehrai tum rakhti ho to lambaai hum bhi rakhte hain!-------------------------------------------------------
U know who the best goal keeperin the world is ? Ans: WOMEN. Reason is that no matter how much or which way u fuck her, ur balls never go in ! --------------------------------------------------------------------- 82. 2 penis went to see a movie. one said to another," I hope its not a sexy movie, otherwise we will have to stand for 3 hrs !!!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 83. Today, STYLE is ..... small car, small watches, small skirts & small mobile phones. Sometime soon a small penis will be in style ,and then u will be" A STYLISH MAN ". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 84. Rich man to Poor man:" how come you have got a big penis ?" Poor man: " because when I was a little boy I have no other toy to play with !" --------------------------------------------------------------------- 85. What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ? ...................................HEART. ------------------------------------------------------------------- 86. Lady was scolding her maid for her inefficiency.. Angry maid : "At least I m better than u in the bed." Lady (amazed) : "And my husbandtold u this ? " Maid : " No, the DRIVER " --------------------------------------------------------------------- 87. Girl : " mom, what is KHASAM ( husband ) ? Mom : " beti, when u will grow & will become a good girl u will get one. " Girl :" If I do not become good girl?" Mom : " then u will get many !!!!! " ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 88. Gareeb aur boobs hamesha dabtay hain. Museebat aur Lulli kahin bhi khadiho sakti hai. Kismat aur Bra kahin bhi khul sakti hai. ------------------------------------------------------------------- 89. why man does not make whislingsound while passing urine like woman ? B 'coz god has given him 6 inch long SILENCER ! --------------------------------------------------------------------- 90. A man walked into a ladies toilet. A lady who was inside got furious& shouted--" THIS IS EXCLUSIVELY FOR WOMEN " The man, unzipping his pant said-" THIS TOO !!!!!!!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 91. Sex life of a couple according to ages:-- 18+ DINRAAT 28+ ROZRAAT 38+ JUMERAAT 48+ CHANDRAAT 58+ JAJBAAT AUR GAL BAAT. --------------------------------------------------------------------- 92. A chinese doctor says a woman has 5 rooms :- Face is Showroom Breast is Playroom Stomach is Store room Vagina is a Guest room Ass is a Emergency room. ---------------------------------------------------------- 93. What is the similarity between man & mouse ? Both of them are in the search of hole ! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 94. What is a KISS ? Kiss is an inquiry in first floor about vacancy in the ground floor.........! --------------------------------------------------------------------Arz kiya hai---.. " Titanic banaya to kaun sa pahar giraya, akhir woh bhi to ek kasti thi. Aray Taj Mahal to hum bhi banwa sakte dete, humari Mumtaj hi gashti thi..! " ------------------------------------------------ 96. What is the long thing that has a hole at the tip & being inserted into a deep, slimy, hairy hole and can make u feel better ? ....... VICKS INHALER ! --------------------------------------------- 97. Maar chaddapa bed wich aaja, kacchi la ke bund dikhaja, Ni kudiye raand diye.... Kodi hokay lun pawaja kudiye raand diye...! ----------------------------------------------- 98. Chust , Chalaki, Chori , Thaggi hunde kum hushiyari de, Tang Bhosedi, Tikkhe Mommay hunday kudi kawari de.......! ------------------------------------------------- 99. Khud hi ko kar Buland Itna, ke Himalaya pe jaa pahunche, Aur Khuda khud tujse pooche.... Bata CHUTIYE ab utray ga kaisay ! ------------------------------------------------ 100. She took off his pant gently and whispered: " Make me feel like a woman...." He smiled , threw his pant at her and said : " Go wash it ! "
Wife was sure that her husband was having sex with the maid so she laid a trap. One evening she sent the maid home for weekend & didn't tell husband. That night when they wentto bed, the husband gave old story. "Excuse me my dear, my stomach is aching & went to bathroom." The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. He came in silently, he wasted no time on words but quickly started having sex. When he finished, wife said, you didn't expect me in this bed, did you?.... & switched on the light. No Madam, said the Watchman. MORAL: Sometimes getting too smart can get you screwed!
A woman complains to her mother : I'm divorcing Kuldip ..... All he want's is sex & my asshole is now the size of 1 rupee coin !!!!! It used 2 be the size of a 25paise coin earlier ..... Mother responds : Dear, u r married 2 a crorepati lawyer ..... U live in an 8 bedroom mansion in delhi, U drive a Mercedes 300SEL..... U get 100,000 a week allowance ..... U take 6 vacations a year..... & U want 2 throw everythingaway just for 75p ..... ?????
18+ Jokes A boss has to interview 4 girls for a secretary position. He asked the same question to each one of them. Boss: "A woman normally has lips in 2 different places. What's the difference between the two? First Girl: "one is hairy, the other isn't " . Boss: "OK.. good!" Second Girl: "one can talk but the other can't ". Boss:"that's better!" Third Girl: "one is vertical &the other is horizontal ". Boss: "Hmm.. clever!" Last Girl: "one is for me & the other is for my Boss ". Boss: "you are hired !!!:
A woman went into a pet shop to buy her husband a pet. After looking around she realized that all the pets there were very expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the clerk. "I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so expensive", she said. "Well," said the clerk, "I have a huge bullfrog in the back for$50.00. Would you like to see it?" "$50.00?? For a Frog??" asked the woman. The clerk said, "It's a specialfrog. It gives blow jobs." Well, the woman did not particularly enjoy giving head, so, she thought his was a heck of a deal. She'd get her husband a gift he'd surely enjoy, and she'd never have to do that again. The woman decided to buy the frog. She took it home to her husband and explainedthe strange gift. Of course, her husband was a bit skeptical, but said for sure he'd try it out that night. The woman went to bed that night relieved knowing she'd never have to give another blow job. About two in the morning, she woke up to hear pots and pans banging around in the kitchen. She got up to go see what was going on. When she got to the kitchen she saw her husband and the frog, sitting at the kitchen table like best buddies, looking through cookbooks. "What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at this hour?" asked the woman. The husband looks up at her and says, "Well, if I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is outta here." . . .click here for more
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. “What food might this contain?” the mouse wondered. He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard,the mouse proclaimed the warning: “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said “Mr. Mouse, Ican tell this is a grave concern to you, but itis of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.” The mouse turned to the pig and told him “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The pig sympathized, but said “I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothingI can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.” The mouse turned to the cow and said “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The cow said “Wow, Mr. Mouse. I’m sorry for you, but it’s no skin off my nose.” So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer’s mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house – like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer’s wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmertook his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup’smain ingredient. But his wife’s sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer’s wife did not get well; she died. So many! people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness. So, the next time you hear someone is facinga problem and think it doesn’t concern you, remember: when one of us is threatened, weare all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. . .click here for more
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the firsthouse on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with abig gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third househanded him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he wasmet at the door by a strikingly beautiful womanin a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through thedoor, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill stickingout from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night,I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should dosomething special for you. Iasked him what to give you." He said, "FUCK HIM, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
A husband and wife are watching a TV program about the psychology of mixed emotions. The husband turned to his wife and said "that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell meanything that will make me happy and sad at the same time." The wife calmly responds,"out of all your friends, youhave the biggest dick."
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